Funny Qoutes

I went onto my friends profile and I saw these and thought they were so funny!So I wanted to share them with you guys!So here!The funniest Quotes EVER!!

· If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

· I like work, It fascinates me! I can sit and look at it for hours.

· I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

· Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

· Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

· Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

· The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain).

· I'm smiling. This should scare you.Very much.Because that means I'm plotting someone's death.

· Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

· I was wondering why Frisbees got bigger as they got closer. Then it hit me.

· God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference.

· Angry people need hugs (or sharp objects).

· The funniest thing about this message is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything, its too late for you to stop reading it, you flippin' retard!

· By the time you read this you've already read it.

· If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

· We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms'

· Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read

· You can get every other flavor except coffee-flavored coffee! They got mochaccino, they got chocaccino, frappaccino, rappaccino, Al Pacino, what the hell?!

· There are times when I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I'm sober

· Everyone who ever walked barefoot into their child's room late at night hates Legos

· Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism

· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a freakin campfire?!

· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

· Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

· "You'd think they'd be at least one smart person on the Earth other than the ones who have filed for insanity..."

· "If Tylenol, Duck Tape, and a Band Aid can't fix it, then you have a serious problem."

· "A wise man once said, "I don't know - go ask a woman."

· "IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN!"

· "We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."

· I won't be surprised to find that when the world goes crazy I'll be considered sane. Until then, fuck you.

· "Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small to be outside on its own."

· "I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?"

· Holy Shit! My House is on fire! Hmmm…Marshmallows…"

· "Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."

· "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."

· Stupidity killed the cat, curiosity just got blamed for it.

· Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

· To error is human, to seek revenge is divine.

· When life gives you lemons, throw them back at em and say 'make your own damn lemonade!'

· "Heaven didn't want me and Hell thinks I'll take over."

· "Destroy is such a strong word! I prefer 'redecorated for free'."

· "A good friend will bail you out of jail. Your best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying 'That was freakin awesome!'"

· "It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me."

· "When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how in seven hells you did it.

· Jesus loves you. The rest of us think you're an idiot.

· If life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then, when life isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll teach 'em.

· Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

· Life, is like God's way of kicking your sorry ass out of heaven and yelling, "AND DON'T COME BACK!!"

· Death, is like God's way of dragging you back up to heaven by your collar, mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..."

· I have PMS and a handgun. Any Questions?

· Insane people never know that they're insane. It's the sane ones you have to worry about. Because they know they're insane. And they know how to use it.

· When life hands you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate.

· "If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... and then find someone who's life has given them Vodka, and have a party."-

· "The voices in your head are not real but they still have some really great ideas"-

· A friend wipes your tears when your rejected a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

· You say i'm a bitch like its a bad thing.

· i'm the person your mother warned you about.

· guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?

· All men are animals. Some just make better pets.

~Any body who looks at my friends doesn't have to ask why I'm insane.

~Why do some people sing in the shower, yet get stage fright? We can hear them from the other end of the house...

~Why do we give little kids those Barbie dolls? Last I checked bulemia and anorexia were bad things...

~Osuwari!! (Sorry, somebody had to say it.)

~What in the name of Sesshomaru just happened?